Sunday, 26 April 2009

And the winner is...

Simply take one old Tupperware rectangular container, one son and one competitive Mum. Hand child-sized trowel to small boy and instruct to dig in earth and lightly fill the base of the box (see the joy on child's face at this instruction!). Watch while soil flies in every direction, brush out of hair and think about fetching the broom later. Next, demonstrate how to carefully remove small flowering alpine from plastic pot - by gently turning the plant upside down and softly squeezing the container. Bite back the urge to cringe and hope that flowers feel no pain as the poor thing flies across the patio. Place both plants carefully and neatly inside your soil-filled container. Lift up the one that has fallen over.

Retrieve cress that has been growing on windowsill in ramekins, shaking off the excess seeds that failed to germinate after being slightly excessively packed in. Your next demonstration should reveal how a little concentration and light finger work can safely transport cress from birthplace to new home or... just grab it in your fist and hope for the best. With cress strategically placed to offer feng shui balance, direct son to fill in the gaps with polished white stones. "Why?" Because it makes it look attractive. "Why?" Because I said so.

Place one of the glass ramekins inside the container and then spend half an hour looking for the pretty green stones you bought from a candle shop about 10 years ago and used once. Ask son to place a 'few' in the base of the ramekin. Remove excess then request that the 'pond' is carefully filled with water (using the hosepipe not recommended). Place some dried mango in pond to masquerade as goldfish.

Don't worry if you find yourself staring blankly at slightly boring looking miniature garden. To find creative inspiration, simply head off exploring to see what leaps out and attacks you. In looking for 'life' hit upon something that's been dead for millions of years yet beloved to all small boys.

Install selection of scary dinosaurs strategically around primeval swamp, but primarily gathered around waterhole.

Wait a further 6 days for the day of the school fĂȘte and the miniature garden competition.

By around day 4, you may find that the cress is now taller than the tyrannosaurus, so carefully insert more polished pebbles beneath dinosaur feet (giving them a health & safety briefing to avoid sprained ankles on slippery surfaces). Remove mouldy mango and refresh water.

Transport carefully to school and dutifully attend school fĂȘte.

Glow with pride as son picks up first prize in the Under 8s miniature garden competition!

Try not to be too disappointed that 'Dragonslayer' didn't win too!

1 comment:

  1. Bet you've got all the other Mums worried for future comps!


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