How to shop with a man at Christmas

Personally, I prefer to leave my man at home when I shop. He can be a proper nuisance, dragging me into electronics shops for repetitive browsing and then giving me less than 30 seconds to look at important things like shoes and handbags. However, sometimes it's necessary to have them tag along - notably when they need to pay for things. There's also the added bonus of hand holding and general pleasure at being in their company (but don't tell him I said that).

What many women fail to do though is to fully understand what to do with a man in a shopping environment. They just don't recognise their limits. Take today for example. I had some serious mooching to do in Marks & Spencer and this particular store had three floors to mooch upon (what more could a girl ask for?). I could sense the agitation pulsing through his veins (another advantage of holding hands) and so before any form of stress overload could occur I securely deposited him at the boyfriend/husband creche aka the Cafe. There, installed with coffee and tabloid he was happy to sit quietly while I raced up and down the escalators clutching stocking fillers and trying my best to avoid the ladies' clothing department.

Other women should heed my advice. That way I would not have found my journey around the store constantly hampered by men trying to 'keep out of the way' and succeeding instead at being everywhere they shouldn't. Like a herd of lost sheep they wander slowly down the aisles weighed down by swinging carrier bags with sharp protuberances. Annoyed wives wave 'jumpers for Mother' at them expecting some sort of response. Come on, you've been married 25 years, surely you've realised by now he has no sense of fashion and is colour blind?

This post is therefore a heartfelt plea. Unless absolutely necessary, please leave your man at home where he is most comfortable - on the sofa with remote in close proximity. Failing that, just keep him out of my way! Remember, credit cards with pin numbers were invented (by a woman) for a reason.

Happy Shopping!