Thursday, 10 December 2009

How to shop with a man at Christmas

Personally, I prefer to leave my man at home when I shop. He can be a proper nuisance, dragging me into electronics shops for repetitive browsing and then giving me less than 30 seconds to look at important things like shoes and handbags. However, sometimes it's necessary to have them tag along - notably when they need to pay for things. There's also the added bonus of hand holding and general pleasure at being in their company (but don't tell him I said that).

What many women fail to do though is to fully understand what to do with a man in a shopping environment. They just don't recognise their limits. Take today for example. I had some serious mooching to do in Marks & Spencer and this particular store had three floors to mooch upon (what more could a girl ask for?). I could sense the agitation pulsing through his veins (another advantage of holding hands) and so before any form of stress overload could occur I securely deposited him at the boyfriend/husband creche aka the Cafe. There, installed with coffee and tabloid he was happy to sit quietly while I raced up and down the escalators clutching stocking fillers and trying my best to avoid the ladies' clothing department.

Other women should heed my advice. That way I would not have found my journey around the store constantly hampered by men trying to 'keep out of the way' and succeeding instead at being everywhere they shouldn't. Like a herd of lost sheep they wander slowly down the aisles weighed down by swinging carrier bags with sharp protuberances. Annoyed wives wave 'jumpers for Mother' at them expecting some sort of response. Come on, you've been married 25 years, surely you've realised by now he has no sense of fashion and is colour blind?

This post is therefore a heartfelt plea. Unless absolutely necessary, please leave your man at home where he is most comfortable - on the sofa with remote in close proximity. Failing that, just keep him out of my way! Remember, credit cards with pin numbers were invented (by a woman) for a reason.

Happy Shopping!


  1. wahahahaha!!! what an absolutely hilarious post!! i love it! fortunately both me and my man really prefer to just sit in a cafe and surf the net :) i haven't bought anything for myself (except craft supply and groceries) for longer than i care to remember. i have been surviving on 4 sweat pants and about 6 tank tops in the last year (really ... not joking at all cos i only do the laundry when i'm thru my 4th pair of sweat pants :p) having said that ... i remember that my man can be a really good shopping companion. he doesn't get in the way and he patiently waits :) the only thing he doesn't do is pay ... wahahaha!!! unless i insist!

  2. Too funny! After 17+ years of marriage, my hubby and I have agreed that it's most wise to do our shopping separately- we each take the kids to get gifts for Mommy and Daddy...I've also been known to slip a few things into my own stocking (my favorite perfume is waiting there for me now:))
    Great post!

  3. Thoroughly entertaining post! I must admit though that I have a husband who really believes in shopping therapy and enjoys it way more than I do. He has to drag me to the stores. He also insists that we go to the mall amidst the Christmas madness and shop in long lines which makes me want to cry so we only go for two hours a year and I can deal with that.

  4. I think men in general have an inbuilt hatred of M&S, some memory from childhood comes flooding back. Both my brother and my husband have told me they used to have temper tantrums in M&S so can't handle it now.
    On the plus side, my hubby loves John Lewis and it's like taking Gok, Trinny and Susannah with me all in one package - he starts finding things for me to try on and then pays for them. Would you like to borrow him?

  5. Hahahaha, such a funny post! I used to think I was the only one who had snagged a man with a serious shopping phobia! I have come to realize he is more *normal* than I thought. But he can stand to shop on the internet about 1,000 times longer than me. So he can xmas-shop online while I go about other important business, like looking at clothes, shoes, and handbags!

  6. I guess I'm fortunate in that my husband is different than most men yet still I think your idea of what to do with the 'typical guy' is spot on!

  7. Happy holiday shopping dear!
    I finally put something in the mail for you, please let me know when you get it, please!
    ho ho ho!!!!

  8. This made me laugh - Christmas shopping with my dear Hub has me screaming - I am often the one in the cafe whilst he looks at EVERY CD in HMV or book or jigsaw or whatever in WHSmith or Past Times and thank goodness Woolies has gone. He has no scanning skills. I have to enter a higher mental plane, chant a mantra and think of that good karma I am earning.

  9. Lisa,

    You are so funny. I leave mine at home when I can too. The cafe is a brilliant idea though. Also got a great kick out of the comment you left on my blog. Humor sure makes life go easier.


  10. You are a funny girl! I'm afraid I am not a very good shopper myself...I must have got a 'boy gene'
    Thanks for the laugh!


Thank you for your comments - I always love to hear what you think :)

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