Farumph

I've been struggling creatively for the last week. A mixture of a heavy workload, a head cold, travel and generally not enough hours in the day. I began to fret. I began to itch (metaphorically!). I had to be creative... But of course, when you're thinking about it so much and then finally manage to grab that illusive hour what happens? Block naturally! I didn't know what to create, I couldn't think of what to blog. Had I forgotten how?

Then I realised what I've been doing all day at work. Writing! Being creative! I might not share those fruits in this particular salad bowl but I would like to assure you they have been happening. And, what is more, I appear to be making my living as a writer! I still feel a bit fake - suffering from those fears that I'll suddenly be found lacking, that everything to date was a fluke. I have to confess I'm feeling the pressure, especially as a freelancer it often feels like you're only as good as your last piece of work. I think we all go through that. I watched incredible singers on the X-Factor cringing with a lack of self belief. I shout at the TV telling them to pull back their shoulders and ooze confidence, to believe, but I guess we rarely listen to our own advice!

I think I've got to 40 and finally figured out what it is I want to do with my life and now I'm in too much of a rush! Right now half my mind is on an unfinished piece for tomorrow's Three Muses challenge - I'm painting a Victorian lady - and fretting over whether it will be good enough to post. The other half distressed that this written piece isn't flowing the way it should, that it seems to lack something... Am I becoming too much of a perfectionist?

Aghrrrr. I'll just post a picture I made yesterday and get myself an early night I think .... after I've finished my painting .... and read this through a few more times ... and ...

(This was also a creation for the Victorian challenge - a digital collage inspired by Victorian wallpaper and those delightful painted ladies that blend into the backgrounds.)

Postscript: A day later and I came across this post on Amelia's blog (a favourite place to visit). She shares some tips on overcoming that creative block.