Working through the 'Truth' chapter in the Joy Diet this week was, how can I put it, interesting. To be honest, I'm still struggling with doing 'Nothing'. A couple of times I did sort of float off during my attempts, it felt good at the time, but then it was really just a momentary sensation. Other times I just fell asleep and woke confused, annoyed and with a headache. I can't say I've felt any benefit yet.
But, never one to give up easily, I tackled chapter 2 and, as instructed, I asked myself the following questions:
- What am I feeling?
- What hurts?
- What is the painful story I'm telling?
- Can I be sure my painful story is true?
- Is my painful story working?
- Can I think of another story that might work better?
When I separated which led to a subsequent divorce, I wrapped all my emotions in a tight cloth, locked them in a stout wooden box and hid them under the floorboards. There they remained, safely out of sight and mind. I thought I was fine. I'd hidden the truth away very successfully hadn't I? This was my tried and tested method of dealing with pain. It had always worked before...
Wrong. The truth sat there waiting patiently for a chink in the protective armour I had encased around it. Eventually it spotted a weakness and leapt out and attacked me when I was unprepared to deal with it.
I had to open that box and go through its contents. It was not pretty and by then it had started to rot and smell a bit...
This chapter has been a useful reminder to watch myself... no more long-term storage plans for my emotional issues! And, you know what, once these nasty niffs got an airing, they weren't quite as bad as I'd thought. In a roundabout way, just admitting to yourself you have a problem seems to negate it somehow, dilute it... And, if you can share the burden, then all the better... I'm much better at it now.
Although I'm struggling to complete these exercises exactly as Martha suggests - 15 minutes of nothing followed by a truth session - the very fact that I've taken some time out this week to actually think about how I'm feeling and assessing those feelings can only be a good thing.
I'm hoping that by reading and sharing with the rest of the Joy Club, I'll learn a few more tricks to keep me smiling.
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It does hurt. I felt it myself. And like you (probably many of us), I put my pain and hurts away to not look at again. But you really speak truth in this:
ReplyDelete"The truth sat there waiting patiently for a chink in the protective armour I had encased around it. Eventually it spotted a weakness and leapt out and attacked me when I was unprepared to deal with it."
It will come to find us, someway, somehow. It doesn't want to be hidden -- pain, sorrow, grief...it needs to be given an outlet, to be shared, to be put into the light, looked at and then we can let it drift away.
Here's to find your truths and accpeting them as you accept yourself. ♥
wow! thank you for sharing such an intimate thing with us. i like your use of the analogy of smell being diluted in the air. it is so true. a lot of ppl deal with pain like you, including me. you are very brave speaking out and i salute you for that. hang on there girl... we are all here for you :)
ReplyDeleteI have a million thoughts rolling around in my mind and no clear way of expressing them accept to say how much I admire you delving into your box in the first place, sometimes that's the most difficult part.
ReplyDelete♥Sharon
Sometimes we lock away the painful things so that we can wait for a stronger day to deal with it!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great! Great awareness, huge steps! Great self-discipline! You must be proud!
ReplyDeleteI like your sentence: "And, if you can share the burden, then all the better", that's what I feel too.
Thanks for sharing your truth this week, I had a very similiar experience with my week. I first tried to avoid the truth, then it kept coming up for me and finally I looked at it, accepted it and like you found it was not as bad as I was expecting.
ReplyDeleteJoin the club; I am still struggling with Nothing also. I thought Truth would be easier for me, but found it elusive, at least elusive in the sense it would be cloaked in pain. For me, asking myself "what hurts" distracted me from my quest. I think I need to ask myself different questions.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of us are struggling through these chapters.....so hang in there! Just go at your own pace...whatever feels right for you!
ReplyDeleteoops, i just deleted my comment. heh.
ReplyDeletejust wanted to say that you may want to try out the moving meditation or repetitive action for your nothing time. i've been mixing in both types and found the moving nothing to be easier. might be more enjoyable/less frustrating for you!
How beautifully honest! And how wonderfully courageous it is of you to dig up the box. It's only when we take a look at that stuff that we have the opportunity to re-write our stories...
ReplyDeleteAs far as the journey goes, there's no perfect, right way... I think you are doing great!
be tender with yourself when looking at the hard truths. I found it easier to practice objective everyday truth-telling as it was happening first. we can tackle the big old stuff once we become really really good truthtellers.
ReplyDeleteThis was a tough week. Some pretty truthful gals in this group. And courageous, you included. Your blog is beautful.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this weeks truth journey. I really loved the metaphor of long term storage that you used. It is a great reminder that sometimes we have to deal with painful things, even though we wish they would just stay away in storage forever. Thank you so much for this.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem like many of us had similar, i.e., not-so-fun, experiences with Truth this week. It really helps to read posts like yours and know we're not alone. I feel a bit like there's been a bait and switch maneuver -- rope them in with the idea of joy and then send them home with something else. Ever the optimist, I'm hoping that these not so sweet menu items will prime us for the good stuff to come. I'm feeling more like this is an authenticity diet than a joy diet though. Very nice writing... Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteA difficult week for me too. I recommend Leah's suggestion too. Movement is an easier nothing than just sitting there.
ReplyDelete*sigh* I LOVE your analogies in this post. We are embarking on an exploration of the soul and it will have its twists and turns, but whatever is waiting behind all these yucky truths will open up so much space for more joy!! Keep workin' it!! xo
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful, that this is working for you a bit. And I so wish you much success.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post- thank you.
ReplyDeleteTruth takes courage, yes. Thank you for sharing your truth with us.
ReplyDeleteYup! We all have those nasty little packages tucked away, but they will not be forgotten! We are here, together, opening them up, ready to let the fresh air in and to root for each other! ♫GO Lisa, you can do it!♫ I even have pom poms! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, it is a good thing. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteBeing aware of our feelings is so powerful. Even if the "truth" of what we are feeling is a negative emotion, we can reach for a thought that feels a little bit better and start spiraling upward!
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you - often the feelings i am bottling are nowhere near as scary as what I think they are.
ReplyDelete