Monday 15 March 2010

The pull

I am feeling out of sorts. Not exactly in a bad way but certainly like something strange is occurring deep within. My mind feels like a tower of champagne glasses filled with nectar bubbling over looking most pretty but somewhat out of control. It seems like there is too much I want to do. It's actually pretty exciting though - sitting here with big plans for the future. It's an uncertain one as who knows what direction my business may turn in; but it feels good. I think of myself in five years as a bit of a dilettante - writing, painting, making, maybe teaching or doing some kind of coaching. I'd like to be seen as an expert communicator. I'd love to host an exhibition. I want to be good Mum. I have to believe all this else what is the point?

What I'm feeling is a strong pull. The strength of it comes from within me as much as outside influences. In the last year or so I've found the real Lisa and now it is time we went places together. I have renewed confidence, drive and ambition.

We read all these self-help books and watch gurus telling us to state our ambitions and they'll come true. It does make sense. How can they come true if we don't form what they are? However, I think we should also be prepared to modify them as we go along - not necessarily compromising on what we want, but embracing change. If I think about when I paint, I might have an idea in mind when the first stroke of graphite goes onto the paper, but artistic circumstance often intervenes and I'm forced to adapt and shoot off in other directions. Sometimes the end result is more than I ever hoped for.

If I think back 11 years ago as I prepared to get married, I guess a divorce was never part of the plan. But it happened and I adapted my life painting. I erased and blended, embellished and glossed. The result today is a different Lisa from the one I envisioned when I walked up the aisle, but I think a stronger and better person - in the end (let's not pretend it wasn't painful getting here).

This post itself is nothing how I planned it. I just had an urge to write about this 'pull'. The words just flowed. It's not quite my usual frivolous nonsense, but fear not readers - tomorrow's post is already created and written and frankly, couldn't be more different to this one! Come back soon for your regular dose of nonsense.

9 comments:

  1. sounds like you're having an emotional growth spurt! just remember that while it's wonderful to plan and dream sometimes we travel down paths we didn't even know exisited, be willing to take the 'road less traveled' !

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  2. You are stronger for your experiences... Life rarely turns out like we plan... sometimes better, sometimes worse, but usually just different... with the normal ups and downs. You'll continue to adapt you life painting, as we all will... and continue to live and grow stronger... Let if fuel your creativity...

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  3. Everything that's happened in your life has helped you become the person that you are right now. That's why I know there's a reason for everything!

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  4. I think there are a lot of people going through this same thing right now. I have seen it on a lot of blogs. I think I was feeling it earlier this year too. When my direction came it changed everything. I think that is how it happens, first you feel out of sorts and then they way is shown and you just go with. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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  5. "Pull" is good. It is what motivates us to jump into the deep end and have a fantastic adventure. Great Post! :)

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  6. Sounds like a creative upheaval taking you in new directions--go for it!

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  7. wow!! sounds to me like something exciting is just waiting to happen! this is a positive feeling altho it can be out of sorts!! keep at it and make it happen!

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  8. I love this post. It is written with such depth of feeling. It is good to know that you feel this "pull", you will make whatever you really desire happen - I have every faith in you.

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  9. I think we all experience transitions and change in our lives - sometimes we are prepared and sometimes they are a surprise. But I have found the more I can embrace the changes that happen the more opportunities for growth I experience. It must be wonderful to have so many great things to think about, plan for, and experience.

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Thank you for your comments - I always love to hear what you think :)

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